Take me for a sandwich instead

Well, this is now me two weeks after giving up on any medication or interventions with regards my pancreatic cancer and I can honestly say, I have never felt more alive. Who knows whether it is the right long term choice but to live each day without a fogginess in my head, to see things how they clearly are and to be able to enjoy each moment is such a blessing.

The pain does not seem to be any worse and I am keeping a keen check on my potassium levels but as they are very much dependent upon mood and stress (as well as diet), they seem to be pretty stable. My overall mood is high and I am in love with the world and anyone that follows me on twitter knows that I dance with the day. Except Sunday. Sunday is an agreed gentle stroll, hand in hand, to enjoy what it has to offer, at a more sedate pace.

Having the murk of chemicals lift themselves off my mind has also let me see the mistakes I have made in the last six months and hopefully my new found energy from my regime of apple & cinnamon water, will give me the strength to put as much of this right as possible. I do not want anyone to feel let down by my mistakes and want to make sure that this next period is a happy and memorable one for those involved in my life, or indeed, those who have still to come in to it.

As I said last week, this is not a choice for everybody in a similar situation, it is something that each individual should have the right to decided though and I thank all of my friends and especially my best friend, for supporting me whole heartedly with my choice. I know, there is the fear that it will hit with a vengeance but I am hopeful with the new found health kick, the complimentary medicines and if I can find an appropriate Reiki instructor without having to travel more than a bus ride, that it can be kept in the background. It will never go away and one day it will take over but until then, I can dance and smile and be in love with the world as my twitter friends will testify.

I have built up a new circle of friends, as I had pushed all of my old ones away, apart from my best friend and I hope over the upcoming months to visit or meet up.  I need to apologise to all of my new friends in advance, especially if we meet up and have a meal. I am the worlds worst person to eat out with. I find fault, no matter how minor (or indeed major) in practically every meal and I am not adverse to letting the owner, chef etc what the problem is. It comes down to my cooking of course and if I can see that someone has taken a short cut, used a microwave, bought cheap ingredients but try and pass them off as fresh/organic etc. I do not go out with the intention of doing so but I would never short change anyone with any of my dishes and would hope that I balance it out with praise when a meal is good and a little bit of pride has gone in to it. Probably safer to take me for a sandwich in the park !!

To finish off on some food input though, I have to say that I am continually impressed with my friend Liz from Wales. Her dishes are getting better each time and she is learning to throw away the cook books and cook from the heart, something I know her family love. A year ago, I would have tried to persuade her to work alongside me and create food to make people smile :)