Who are you

Can anyone honestly say with truthful conviction that they remember the last time they were actually their real self. That person, who looking deep within, you see, you hear, you feel?

For a whole life time now, it feels that I have been putting on an act and what people get now is the composite me that I feel they want. Of course we all do it, it is part of growing up and being shaped by our experiences. The more knowledge we gain, the more we redefine ourselves and as it is all part of nature, we cannot stop it from happening and nor should we. We are born as a blank canvas and we very quickly learn to adapt to what is around us, we cry we get fed.

The reason I ask is that my nurse/counsellor asked me what i wanted for my last six months or so. Not a bucket list, I personally don't believe in them due to the lack of disappointment they can bring when you realise that some of the things you want are beyond your reach and thus always will be.

What I am talking about is the ability to be at peace with yourself, to know exactly who you are. How that is to be achieved is still a work in progress and in all honesty, would I like the real me, if ever I was to find it?

My life is what has made me who I am now and from that amalgamation of experience, is what people draw from me in any friendship. Some will expect me in one way, some in a completely different picture. All I can hope is that 46 years of morphing on a day to day basis, will allow them to say at my funeral. "David, no I did not really know the real you"

So enjoy whatever it is that I can offer, you know I give myself gladly and make myself, or parts of me, available no matter what the situation.