I suppose the easiest beginning is with a thank you to all of you you who take the time to read, pass on and indeed message me about my blog. It is extremely humbling to have people contact me and say it provoked something in them, or that they could relate to it. I have spent too many years hiding from myself and others, through fear of hurting them or being hurt myself, so it is nice to get my ramblings out there and share my identity.
I have now reached week 7 of no medication, a choice that I made as what I felt was best for me and one that will allow me to die with a little dignity when the time arrives. I know that for some people, it would never be the right choice and I totally respect their decision to continue with medication. They will hopefully, if terminal, be surrounded by the people they love and who love them, either in their own home or hospice and it will happen peacefully. Mine will be different and again, it is my choice to make and make it I will.
The alternative therapies are going nicely, with reflexology, aromatherapy, Reiki and magnets all being used to their full effect. I did not go back to pilates, not because I did not like it but I can not bring myself to do it in a group situation. Hopefully, I may find one to one sessions. Even with the alternative therapies, I have had some issues this week that made me want to go back on my decision, but only for five minutes. If I get a headache or any other pain or ailment, the moment I reach for a codeine or paracetamol, my body will immediately crave something stronger, which is something I am not willing to do.
Physical pain is almost manageable, just, but the stress a family, particularly a very uncaring and disjointed one can bring upon you, is far worse, as it rips in to open wounds like salt. I unfortunately experienced that again in this last week with my younger brother and mother trying to interfere. I wish I could say it was out of love but know full well it is about my will and future plans for my daughter. The prodigal son, otherwise known as 'Golden Child' has not bothered for 5 years, so why now???
Enough of the whinging, I hear you cry, and I agree. There are far too many positives that I can take from each day, to allow myself to be dragged down to the depths they want me at.
Like, made the first taster batch of Christmas chocolates. They will be sent to my chosen tasters on Monday for approval and all being well, will be available for purchase around the first week of November onwards.
Like, being able to spend quality time with people that I want in my life, although not unfortunately all of them but not through lack of want on either part, just time and life can get in the way.
Like having so many caring friends on here, who help far more than they probably realise.
Like, getting others to dance with their day and appreciate it only ever comes round once.
I apologise for the family vent of hurt and frustration and promise to keep it off my blog from this point on. Hope it does not deflect too much from anything else I have said here and that you will not all abandon the blog. I appreciate and value your participation.
David xxx
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