Psst, Can you keep a secret

One of the biggest problems of living with terminal illness is knowing who to say what to. I am constantly battling with myself as to what to say, when people get in touch with me and ask how I am? They are just being good friends and their concern is appreciated, however it is also a burden on my ability to keep my own counsel. If I am having a bad day pain wise, just say, and I am asked by three people over the course of the day how I am, I have to think, who is asking me, how much can I tell them, how much can they actually take? After all, it is not as if they are just round the corner, or across the road, they are usually hundreds of miles away. Quite often, I am left with the default, "I'm fine" or "I'm okay" That way, they have fulfilled their friends bit by asking and I have protected them by giving a neutral answer.

Then I might get a text message or a call. What have you had to eat today David? Before I know it, I have thought about everything that might be going on with the person who is asking and I have had a five course banquet. I then spend the next 24 hours worrying that I have mislead, albeit because I have had to make an educated decision as to whether it is better to keep the secret that I may have just managed some fruit. And heaven forbid if someone asks me about feelings or emotions!!

Enough of that, you get the idea.

Update on my wish to get a portrait and laptop for my daughter for Christmas is that a lovely artist now has in his possession two recent photographs and a request to make me handsome!! Still looking at laptops but need to sell my Christmas chocolates first to be able to do so. Have gone for £5.75 a box plus £3 postage, which I know could buy you a big tin of Roses/Quality Street but you will not get these flavours or purity of chocolate. Remember, my chocolates have no added sugars or preservatives and are meant as a bit of a luxury. Also, buying a tin of Celebrations (and yes, I do like them) does not help me get my daughter her last ever Christmas present from me (sorry if that sounds emotional blackmail :( ...)

Exciting chocolate news in the form of doing a chocolate tasting along with Homeless Beanies UK on the 5th December in Bradford. For full details of the evening, of which I am only a small cog, you are best contacting @HomelessBeaniesUK , who now have their own exclusive chocolates.

I am organising two lunches as well at the moment, one with my lovely Irish and London based friends and then one with the Yorkshire crew. Both of these groups have been so supportive of me and this blog and it will be so nice to spend some actual time with them.

Want to finish this off with a massive thank you to the people I keep the secrets from. I could not manage each day without you. You know what you do for me but of course, I am sworn to secrecy :)